Monthly Archives: January 2011

day fifty four – fairy tales

dumbass Goldilocks broke fairy tales’ biggest rule DO NOT FUCK WITH BEARS / screw Little Boy Blue all he did was blow his horn? he can blow me too / Hansel and Gretel killed that witch in her own stove … Continue reading

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day fifty three – lord of the rings

I am aware this is well overdue. Radagast the Brown unofficially known as the Wizard of Dung / Queen Galadriel wisest of the Noldor and pretty as all hell / Gollum (or Smeagol) never give him the finger cause he … Continue reading

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day fifty two – ghosts, fishing, and male pattern baldness

I’m losing my hair well not really losing it it’s here on my desk teach a man to fish and he will live for a day I think that’s plenty halloween ghosts suck a white sheet with some eyeholes what … Continue reading

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day fifty one – nfl quarterbacks

hey there Tim Tebow you seem like a nice guy but shut up about God / what up Brett Fav-ruh please do us all a fav-ruh leave earth forever Donovan McNabb you failed as a quarterback because you aren’t white* … Continue reading

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day fifty – presidential history, part the fourth

Chester A. Arthur traitor king of the Stalwarts and prince of sideburns / Thomas Jefferson purchased Louisiana and hundreds of slaves / lord Andrew Jackson was nicknamed Old Hickory because he was gay* / *as far as I know this … Continue reading

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haiku review – no strings attached

/ is there any way some douchebag can find love with Natalie Portman?

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day forty nine – muppets, vasectomies, and godzilla

kermit the fraud Jim Henson’s Muppets magical frogs and monsters with hands in their butts snip snap vasectomies are vaccine for the worst disease which is pregnancy the only “God” i believe in i miss Godzilla that fire breathing champ’s … Continue reading

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day forty eight – cave bears, paul newman, and the olive garden

unpaid endorsement I want some great food with great fun at a low price to Olive Garden! totally guessing there’s no more cave bears which is good because they killed the Neanderthals failure to lunch where’d my sandwich go did … Continue reading

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day forty seven – racists, sarah palin, and other redundancies

prelude to jerkery “i’m not racist but…” means you are about to hear a racist talk shit palin comparison poor Sarah Palin she’s just not pretty enough to act that dumb that’s entertainment just sitting around watching my cats fight … Continue reading

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day forty six – the haikulevala

Liz suggested at one point that I attempt to do a series of haiku that told a connected story – a haiku epic, if you will.  This was my first try. / I woke with a start and was shocked … Continue reading

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