Monthly Archives: June 2011

day one hundred eight – insects, native guides, and Creed

ant power the wee fire ant he is proof that god exists and fucking hates us indian giver Sacajawea gave us the northwest – the first oregon donor a band apart I like the band Creed cause they were so … Continue reading

Posted in daily dose | Tagged , , , , , | Leave a comment

Top Ten Wednesday – top ten children’s books I plan to write

Let’s see Keanu do this. 10. Harry Potter and the Thing that Kills Hagrid 9. Why Did Grandma Stop Moving? 8. Wilt Chamberlain and the Ten Thousand Conquests 7. The Adventures of Butterface 6. Don’t Give the Honey Badger Angel … Continue reading

Posted in daily dose, wednesday top ten | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment

day one hundred seven – the perfidious treachery of keanu reeves

These are written in response to this fucking bullshit. hey Keanu Reeves way to steal my idea you fucking butthead why you do this man i don’t come where you work and act badly in films no oscars? shocking actors … Continue reading

Posted in daily dose, theme party | Tagged , , , | 1 Comment

day one hundred six – BEAUTY PAGEANTS

These are in honor of my sister who finished in the top ten of the Miss New Mexico competition over the weekend (miss Rio Rancho, pictured). drop dead gorgeous in beauty pageants the girls should display talent but not for … Continue reading

Posted in daily dose, theme party | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment

day one hundred five – all you can eat, astrology, and mythical exoneration

golden shower the Golden Corral a great place to go to eat if you’re super poor pickup line what’s your sign baby? Saggitarius, you say well who gives a fuck mistrials daughter due to advances in DNA evidence release the … Continue reading

Posted in daily dose | Tagged , , , , , | Leave a comment

day one hundred four – more presidential history

Herbert Clark Hoover like vacuums that shared your name you totally sucked John F Kennedy our most beloved president thats why we shot him Mister Howard Taft I wont make fun of your weight changed my mind, tubby

Posted in daily dose, theme party | Tagged , , , , , | Leave a comment

day one hundred three – avian exchange rates, female mysteries, and annoying heirlooms

bird of a nation a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush, so all bush birds half price where woman women are strange beasts moods tied to the moon’s cycles they’re just like werewolves grandfathered in hey … Continue reading

Posted in daily dose | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

day one hundred two – mayans, robin williams, and advice for god

purple reign before Columbus Mayan kings partied like its 2011 slippery slopes Good Morning Vietnam high point for Robin Williams all downhill from there dear god you need to rethink your policy of speaking through crazy people

Posted in daily dose | Leave a comment

wednesday top 10 – top 11 little known facts about Bruce Lee

11. combed his hair with a live Bengal tiger 10. secreted a venom highly prized by the pharmaceutical industry 9. was a direct descendant of Thomas Jefferson and Sally Hemmings 8. invented his own unique form of martial art he … Continue reading

Posted in daily dose, non haiku things, wednesday top ten | Tagged , , , | 1 Comment

day one hundred one – athletes I don’t want to have dinner with

Phillie Cole Hamels a good pitcher but looks like a fey Bruce Campbell   A.C. “Cap” Anson RACIST, plus I aint eatin with no fuckin corpse   my man Charles Barkley great guy but he eats a LOT and I … Continue reading

Posted in daily dose, theme party | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment