Monthly Archives: January 2012

day one forty – sandals, Khaaaaaaan, and shark senses

sand hells hey sandal wearers please invest in some real shoes or else fuck right off khan’t understand Khan in Wrath of Khan clearly read Moby Dick but seemed to miss the point great white white sharks can smell blood … Continue reading

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day one thirty nine – paintings that suck

fuck you smirking at? what was so funny back then illiteracy? way to go Monet you stand too close to this thing it’s a fucking blur wait wait I see it it’s like a ship right? A boat? ah shit … Continue reading

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day one thirty eight – the cost of postage, corn, and fiscal advice for those who raise bison

stamped out do stamps cost more now? I never mail anything hold on I’ll find out riveting story I sure do like corn I know that’s not interesting whatever, fuck off be responsible! buffalo ranchers don’t let your debts pile … Continue reading

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day one thirty seven – chess set purchasing, bruce lee, and raccoons

rook at me when I buy chess sets I always pay by check, mate no pawn intended g’day bruce I could watch Bruce Lee kick the shit out of people every fucking day ode to a procyonid raccoons delight me … Continue reading

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day one thirty six – dieting, country music venues, and nicknames

motivation eat a tossed salad why? because it’s good for you you stupid fat fuck spellcheck, y’all the Grand Ole Opry what the fuck is an opry? way to spell, rednecks by any other name call me Candypants its a … Continue reading

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day one thirty five – dinner plans, chimpanzees, and french royalty

to wong food – thanks for everything  ordered chinese food some dude came and gave me some no real surprises / chimps ahoy / chimpanzees are great they’re like big old teddy bears that will eat your hands / le … Continue reading

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day one thirty four – tiny european countries

/ / / / / / some advice for France invade fucking Monaco I’m sick of their shit hey San Marino you ain’t Vatican City stop acting like it fuck you Andorra what are you, French or Spanish? pick a … Continue reading

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day one thirty three – a new business venture, sage advice, and hair metal

open for business I’m starting a store that sells exotic bird eggs called “Fruit of the Loon” so sayeth Deign ye not to judge that which ye see in others or judge, I don’t care too soon the Scorpions sang … Continue reading

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day one thirty two – just to clarify

The other day Liz challenged me to write three haikus with the phrase “just to clarify” in them. In your face, Liz. just to clarify when a man says you’re pretty he just means your boobs most Russian people are … Continue reading

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day one thirty one – crime, clown mythology, and a zen koan

crime of the century they say crime don’t pay some crimes pay less than others like say pony rape attack of the clowns if a clown bites you you have to kill the head clown or turn into one question … Continue reading

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