Tag Archives: animals

day eigty – underrated animals

i love pangolins! they’re like the armored halftracks of the wilderness / don’t sell gibbons short their long ass arms will take you to another world / freshwater dolphins not just retarded cousins of the other ones / and a … Continue reading

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day fifty eight – animals I would like as pets

I want a leopard I would name him Leopold to confuse Asians / get me a panda I’d feed him nothing but corn which might well kill him / me buy elephant me ride him to library but me no … Continue reading

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day forty eight – cave bears, paul newman, and the olive garden

unpaid endorsement I want some great food with great fun at a low price to Olive Garden! totally guessing there’s no more cave bears which is good because they killed the Neanderthals failure to lunch where’d my sandwich go did … Continue reading

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day thirty two – snakes ahoy!

coral burnett deadly coral snakes look just like harmless king snakes nice fucking work God monsters, inc wish the internet was a big furry monster I’d call him Googlor LeBusted what up LeBron James you sure screwed Cleveland over like … Continue reading

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day twenty nine – star trek, wordplay, and dumb holidays

illogical how many damn times did McCoy need to be told SPOCK HAS NO FEELINGS word up serendipity sounds like a term to describe two snakes having sex happy holiday England’s Boxing Day is when everyone buys gifts for Marvin … Continue reading

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day twenty-seven – primate party!

I was on the subway thinking about how awesome monkeys and apes were, so I wrote these with the notepad on my iPod. silvered leaf monkey mighty king of the jungle throwing shit on me / lord orangutan hairy man … Continue reading

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day twenty-five

steaks is high hey Omaha Steaks I bought ham two years ago STOP CALLING ME, DICKS picture a world watching Twilight Zone this weird shit keeps happening I guess that’s the point chatterbirds some parrots can talk and the occasional … Continue reading

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day thirteen

snerd I am a nerd snob “snerd!” “snerd!” all my friends will say well they can fuck off a mysterious visit did you see that goat? he came in here and then left goddamn that was weird men without JOBS Men … Continue reading

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day twelve

bad rodents chipmunks are weak they can’t even use Linux let’s all ignore them mind freak minds play tricks on you like when a magician’s mind works his arms and mouth mine freak coal miner’s daughter go down into that … Continue reading

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day eleven

golden age fucking Golden Girls it’s a pretty good show but why they all so old? shellfish lover can shellfish feel love? if not the seas are ablaze with tons of clam rape footballs were I a center I would say … Continue reading

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