day eigty – underrated animals

i love pangolins!
they’re like the armored halftracks
of the wilderness


don’t sell gibbons short
their long ass arms will take you
to another world


freshwater dolphins
not just retarded cousins
of the other ones


and a bonus by request…


baby bee killer
bane of the hooded cobra
this badger don’t care

day forty eight – cave bears, paul newman, and the olive garden

unpaid endorsement

I want some great food
with great fun at a low price
to Olive Garden!

totally guessing

there’s no more cave bears
which is good because they killed
the Neanderthals

failure to lunch

where’d my sandwich go
did a porcupine steal it?
that seems unlikely

more guesswork

fast cars and women
sound real great but remember
they killed Paul Newman

real slow day at work.  That’s why there were four today.

day thirty two – snakes ahoy!

coral burnett

deadly coral snakes
look just like harmless king snakes
nice fucking work God

monsters, inc

wish the internet
was a big furry monster
I’d call him Googlor


what up LeBron James
you sure screwed Cleveland over
like West did your mom

day twenty nine – star trek, wordplay, and dumb holidays


how many damn times
did McCoy need to be told

word up

sounds like a term to describe
two snakes having sex

happy holiday

England’s Boxing Day
is when everyone buys gifts
for Marvin Hagler*

*by the way do you know what they drink at a Boxing Day party?  knockout punch heyoooooooooo

day twenty-seven – primate party!

I was on the subway thinking about how awesome monkeys and apes were, so I wrote these with the notepad on my iPod.

silvered leaf monkey
mighty king of the jungle
throwing shit on me


lord orangutan
hairy man of the forest
let’s hang out this week

mountain gorilla
fearsome god of the high mists
please kill the monkey