day fifty – presidential history, part the fourth

Chester A. Arthur
traitor king of the Stalwarts
and prince of sideburns


Thomas Jefferson
purchased Louisiana
and hundreds of slaves


lord Andrew Jackson
was nicknamed Old Hickory
because he was gay*

*as far as I know this is not true, but i got tired halfway through writing this.  Also he was not an english lord.

day forty nine – muppets, vasectomies, and godzilla

kermit the fraud

Jim Henson’s Muppets
magical frogs and monsters
with hands in their butts

snip snap

vasectomies are
vaccine for the worst disease
which is pregnancy

the only “God” i believe in

i miss Godzilla
that fire breathing champ’s like a
super dinosaur

day forty eight – cave bears, paul newman, and the olive garden

unpaid endorsement

I want some great food
with great fun at a low price
to Olive Garden!

totally guessing

there’s no more cave bears
which is good because they killed
the Neanderthals

failure to lunch

where’d my sandwich go
did a porcupine steal it?
that seems unlikely

more guesswork

fast cars and women
sound real great but remember
they killed Paul Newman

real slow day at work.  That’s why there were four today.

day forty six – the haikulevala

Liz suggested at one point that I attempt to do a series of haiku that told a connected story – a haiku epic, if you will.  This was my first try.


I woke with a start
and was shocked to see aliens
were punching my mom

“the fuck you doin??”
“she owes us money, human”
that was a space lie

I had just seen Signs
so I threw water on them
M. Night’s full of shit

they only got wet
and incredibly angry
then I called X-Files

the show was cancelled
but they showed up anyway
pretty nice of them

Mulder and Scully
saved my mom and stayed for drinks
best New Year’s ever