day one hundred fourteen – historic periods, the Depression, and tennis

heavy medal

I hate the bronze age
who cares about an epoch
that came in third place

over rated

the Great Depression
I’ve been reading about it
it wasn’t that great

tennis choose

you need to relax
why don’t you take up tennis?
or just shoot yourself

day one hundred thirteen – movies I have not seen, rip van winkle, and unstoppable killing machines

dog day afternoon

all dogs have their day
which is all well and good but
so do three condors

let ‘er rip

fuck Rip van Winkle
he woke up in the future?
shit we all do that

i’ll be back

if Terminator
is coming for you, don’t run
hide under some coats

wednesday top ten – more business and product ideas

10.  Spread ‘Em  (peanut butter and jelly together – in one jar!)

9.  Cod Pieces  (battered frozen fish)

8.  Snakes Ahoy!  (snake-themed children’s boardgame)

7.  No More Frostite-Induced Gangrene! of Toledo  (winter       clothing line based in Toledo OH)

6.  Crazy Duds  (clothes for insane people)

5.  Stop Being a Bitch  (PMS medication)

4.  Widower’s Choice  (frozen dinners)

3.  Grandma’s Secret  (skin cream)

2.  Enjoy -a-Goat  (petting zoo)

1.  Touch Me Down There  (pedicures)

day one hundred twelve – america’s next top model

I wrote these while watching America’s Next Top Model, or as we massive fans call it, ANTM. Actually I hate it.






these girls are so DUMB
if this was still caveman days
theyd be mammoth food

whats up there Miss Jay
you’re nice but seriously
what the fuck are you

Tyra fucking Banks
as mad as Caligula
but with bigger thighs

day one hundred eleven – sacred texts, lyrics to go, and what to do with the french

praise the Lord

you want salvation?
look to the good book my friends
The Lord of the Rings

rolling stoned

get off of my cloud
hey! you! get off of my cloud!
guess he can’t hear me

french fried

sometimes in Paris
people can be kind of rude
so let us bomb them