Anyone who runs a blog will tell you that you end up getting a shitload of spam messages in the comments. Usually they seem to be sent by unscrupulous Baltic businesspeople trying to trick you into linking to their spyware site or whatever.
It sucks because you get really excited for a split second – “somebody likes my site and took the time to comment! Jesus God I am so happy!!” Then you realize it’s just some asshole robot who wants to sell you Viagra and crash your hard drive.
Here are some examples:
“Finally, an issue that I am passionate about. I have looked for information of this caliber for the last several hours. Your site is greatly appreciated.”
– “myncagma” on day five
Really? You spent several hours looking for information about the lesbian who locked up my bike? Well you certainly came to the right place! I have to say I am surprised you are so passionate about the issue. But nobody provides a higher caliber of that information than me! Asshole.
“I have arrived to my decision that your post head day eight haiku boy appears great my HTC Tattoo phone.”
-“Pierre_Golla” on day eight
“I found your weblog site on google and verify a couple of of one’s early posts. Carry on to maintain up the pretty good operate. I just extra up your Rss feed to my Msn Information Reader. Looking for ahead to reading additional from you later on!?”
-“lida efrahungen” on day five
I truly appreciate the support, Mrs. Efrahungen. Or is it MISS (wink, wink)?? I will strive to maintain up the good operate.
“Once I told my brother that not all titles written on website are new but this post is an exceptional to my rule.”
-“Bennie_Hiers” on day eleven
I wish I could have been a fly on the wall for that conversation. Glad you enjoyed my haiku about clam rape.
“My boyfriend and I genuinely loved learning about on this publication, I was just itching to acknowledge if you trade featured posts? I am always attempting to find someone to make trades with but it’s merely an idea I would ask.”
-“Truman_Lappin” on day fifteen
Are you coming on to me? Try craigslist, you filthy swingers.
“Thanks for an idea, you sparked at thought from a angle I hadn’t given thoguht to yet. Now lets see if I can do something with it.”
– “myncagma” on day thirty two – snakes ahoy!
If there is one thing I take pride in, it’s sparking at thoguhts. But whatever you are planning to do with fucking coral snakes please keep it to yourself.
So thank you spammers for taking the time to comment, and shove your Mexican Cialis up your ass.